When Everything Was Totally Fine
Schumer joked that she and her husband Chris Fischer were “rocking” life as parents without childcare amid the pandemic … all while standing in her messy kitchen.
“Yeah, actually, like we were worried about not having childcare but we’re actually like doing really well — and I think we’re a lot more capable of a lot more than we realized we were,” Schumer joked while standing in the middle of a cluttered kitchen as her husband recorded her.
We’ve all been there, right?
When She Got Real About Screen Time
Ah, the great screen time debate! Schumer weighed in on the controversial topic, posting a sarcastic video to Instagram.
“So every family has different rules and it’s all about what works for you, so we decided to do no screen time at all for our son and just guide him more toward things like … adorable books,” Schumer says to the camera before panning to her son entranced by the TV.
“Gene, you wanna read a book?” Schumer calls out to her toddler, admitting, “I mean, we let him watch a lot of TV.”
There’s no debating that having a sense of humor about parenting is a necessity.
When She Tried to Hang On to Every Second
Moms know that the worst part about having a baby is watching them grow up too quickly!
Schumer posted a photo of her in the pool with Gene, captioning the sweet photo, “Remember how this feels.”
When She Joked About the Real SAG Awards
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Let’s face it, after having a baby your body is simply not going to look exactly as it did before! In a selfie posted to Instagram, Schumer joked that after having her son, her breast simply are “#notwheretheyoncewere.”
In fact, she said that she “should be nominated for a sag award,” but not the ones given out by the Screen Actors Guild.
When She Showed Her Own Reality (vs. Instagram)
“Put the milk on the counter and nobody gets hurt,” Schumer captioned a photo of baby Gene seemingly holding his mom hostage for some good.
When She Got Candid About Her IVF Journey
Schumer opened up about her “emotional” in vitro fertilization (IVF) journey on Instagram, sharing a photo of her stomach bruises from hormone injections as well as her C-section scar.
“I’m a week into IVF and feeling really run down and emotional,” the star shared, explaining that she and husband Chris Fischer are “freezing [her] eggs and figuring out what to do to give Gene a sibling.” The pair welcomed son Gene in May 2019.
Schumer turned to her female followers for advice, asking them to text her about any of their experiences with IVF.
When She Got a Set Visit from Gene
Okay so maybe most moms can’t relate to the “set visit” part, but the “million kisses” snuck during a quick work break? For sure.
When She Admitted She Was ‘Afraid’ to Return to Work
In a moment most working moms have, Schumer said leaving her little one for work terrified her.
“Five months today and like all moms I love him so much it hurts,” Schumer wrote on Instagram. “I’m feeling strong and good and like I’m still a human being with interests and ambitions and goals I’m excited to reach. It’s felt good to be back at work.”
“I was so worried about it and was afraid to go back after he was 3 months old,” she added. “A couple days I’ve cried from missing him. But it’s mostly good to be back and the breaks energize me to be a better mom and appreciate our time even more.”
When She Joked About Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss
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The star shared this snap with her sister, writing, “Well I’ve lost 10 pounds and 100 dollars to my sister playing poker.” Schumer concluded the post writing the hashtags “#norush #givememymoneybackkim.”
Fellow new mom Jessica Simpson — who recently revealed a 100-lb. post-baby weight loss — commented cheekily, “You’re hot. Size only matters when it comes to men.”
When She Shared the Moment That She Found Out She Was Expecting (in Her Friend’s Bathroom)
Schumer knows that the moment you find out you’re pregnant isn’t always straight out of a movie.
The comedienne shared a photo of herself, pants around her ankles, on the toilet and looking bewildered and captioned it, “#tbt the day I found out I was pregnant in [Jessica Seinfeld’s] bathroom.”
When She Complained About Being Pregnant Forever
Days before giving birth, Schumer said she felt like she had been pregnant forever.
“Oh yeah does it feel to everyone like I’ve been pregnant for a long time?” she asked. “It must be getting annoying to you all that I’m still pregnant Well imagine how I feel mother f——!!!!!!”
When She Shared What She Learned During Pregnancy
In a tender post-birth post, Schumer said that she had learned a lot while pregnant, one thing being that: “Women are the s—. Men are cool and whatever but women are f—— warriors and capable of anything.”
She also opened up about her struggle with hyperemesis: “I did Pilates with strong women and went for walks. I threw up violently and felt sick mostly every day of my pregnancy. Hyperemesis is real and it’s awful. But f—, what they say is true. The second you give birth it’s gone.”
She also thanked her friends for pushing her through pregnancy saying, “All my friends. Friends I’ve had for 30 years or people who encouraged me to ‘keep going’ or telling me ‘it will be worth it.’ Thank you. Every woman I encountered is so willing to help and advise you and I felt all their strength. And you were right. Thank you ladies from my family. Chris, Gene and of course Tatiana [Schumer’s dog].”
Ending her post in typical Schumer fashion, she added the hashtags, “t-tsleaking #wearingadiaper”
When She Showed That It’s Not Always So Glam Postpartum
Schumer captioned this photo of a family member holding Baby Gene (with some, um, personal stuff going on in the background), “MILF alert 1 o’clock.”
When She Pumped Like a Pro … But That Meant She Had Time for Little Else
New moms know that it can feel like an endless cycle of pumping. Schumer joked, “Guys what are we doing tonight?”
When She Called Out Mom Shamers for Getting Mad That She Was Performing Stand-Up Again
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When Schumer posted a photo of herself on stage at the Comedy Cellar in New York City just a few weeks after giving birth, mom shamers came out in full force. Schumer responded with this photo.
“Sending out love to the moms shaming me for doing standup last night,” Schumer wrote.
When She and Her Husband Did a Totally Fine Job Bathing Gene for the First Time
Nothing to see here.
It Isn’t All Hard! Schumer Took a Minute to Gush Over Her Boys
She captioned the photo, “I recommend this.”
When She Juggled Resting, Eating and Mom-ing in the Same Photo
In the worlds of Schumer, “This s— is 🍌.”
When She Rocked Her Hospital Underwear with Pride
Listen, it’s hard enough being a new mom. Sometimes you just need to wear the hospital underwear.
What? It’s Comfy!
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Schumer shared photos of her walking and napping with Gene (the underwear are multifunctional, people!) five weeks postpartum. She wrote, “Hospital underwear for life!”
When She Needed a Little Push From Her Hubby
Life’s a beach after a C-section, what can we say.
When She Told Everyone About a Very Personal Milestone
“First period in a year 👩🏼🚒👩🏼✈️👠⛑🎒🦑🍄☄️🏓🥊🚣🏼♀️🚗⛽️🧨💉✂️📌❣️🚩☔️🌪🌪🌪” she joked on Instagram.
When She Shut Down Someone Who Asked How She Would ‘Cope’ If Gene Was Diagnosed With Autism Spectrum Disorder
One of Schumer’s followers commented on this adorable photo, “I’d like to see a documentary of you discovering your mate is diagnosed with autism and how you cope with the possibility that your child will be on the spectrum.”
Schumer responded, “How I cope? I don’t see being on the spectrum as a negative thing. My husband is my favorite person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, hilarious, interesting and talented and I admire him. Am I supposed to hope my son isn’t like that? I will pay attention and try to provide him with the tools he needs to overcome whatever challenges come up like all parents. I’d be disappointed if he liked The Big Bang Theory and NASCAR, not if he has ASD.”
When She Was Feeling Two Ways at Once
In a sweaty selfie with her husband, Chris, Schumer wrote, “3 months after a C playing doubles volleyball for 90 minutes!”
She added, “And I want to recommend being a parent if you can. It’s nuts.”
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