Suggestions for the fashion-conscious cyclist

Sunglasses

This has nothing to do with whether or not the sun is out. Wear them to keep out flies and all the bits that fall off trees. And wear them because it is a good thing, with a helmet on your head, if people can’t see your eyes.

The breast pocket

A humble adornment, but, according to Boris Johnson in response to our inquiry, it’s the single most important accessory to cycling. Over to Boris: “When you’re cycling and you want to stop talking quickly because you’re about to hit the car in front, you need to put your mobile phone smoothly away in a fluid action, to ease from the breast pocket to the handlebars in one swift parabola of the wrist.”

The basket question

There are those, such as the hairdresser Louise Galvin, owner of a pink Brompton, who believe that this is the place to keep one’s heels and handbag while pushing the pedals in Birkenstocks. There are others, such as Boris Johnson, for whom a basket is the height of “fogeyrama” and suitable only “for weeds like AN Wilson”. The decision is yours.

Giant wedge

Popular wisdom may rule out stilettos and other apparently silly heels on grounds of practicality, but I propose an alternative theory. The bigger the heel, the more practical the shoe. Since I got a pair of 5in wedges, those wobbly moments where you stop at traffic lights but can’t reach the kerb with your foot are no more. I can pull up and plonk down my own portable shoe platform. For those who prefer to cycle in flats, see Basket.

Helmet

The fallacy at the root of all helmet design is that people who ride a bike are cyclists. We’re not. We just want to look like ordinary folk who happen to have chosen the bicycle as our mode of transport. Helmet makers, on the other hand, want to turn your head into as aerodynamic a shape as possible (complete with a little Billy Whizz-style peak at the back), as if speed were the first thing on our minds. For those who would sooner risk offering a little wind resistance in order to look more human, choose a round shape.

Bag

Why keep a handbag hidden away in a pannier or basket when a really good one can put the helmet in a whole new perspective? Wear it “messenger-style” across the body, but send out a most unmessenger-like message by making it ridiculously glamorous. This is the moment to buy into Chanel or, for those of us for whom £860 is too much, into a Chanel-inspired high-street design.

Skirt or trousers

In much the same way as the “real feel” of the weather is very different from what the weather map shows, the real length of a skirt on a saddle bears no relation to its length on foot. Pencil skirts quickly turn into short skirts, and short skirts turn into even shorter skirts, rising (personal experiment suggests) by up to five inches. But this is a lucky summer for cyclists, with volume abounding. Number-one skirt shape: a full 50s style. Contrary to popular fears, this will not expose you but, in a good wind, will balloon out nicely to create a kind of parachute for modesty. Number-two skirt shape: shorts. Wear them alone (but note these, like short skirts, also rise in motion), or follow Jane Shepherdson, brand director of Topshop and rider of a Marin with a high crossbar, and wear them under a dress which can then be hoiked up as high as you like. Trouser wearers must choose between length or width (you can’t have both without also having a cycle clip), with skinny and straight-leg jeans, or flood-length trousers clear favourites. But the overall winner has to be culottes (such as these, left, from a selection by Vanessa Bruno). Get over the taboo of wearing a skirt with a crotch. These ride like a trouser but walk like a skirt.

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