Kidney patient now looking for new organ after splitting up with his fiancée
Burlesque teacher who is a perfect match for her kidney patient fiancé scraps plans to donate her organ to him – because they’ve split up
- Jay Charles beat huge odds to discover his partner Mel Greenall was a match
- But now the 40-year-old will have to start his search again after they broke up
- Mr Charles, from Whitby, has kidney failure and two transplants have failed
- He blamed a lack of support from doctors for the end of his five-year romance
A burlesque teacher who is a perfect match for her kidney patient fiancé has scrapped plans to donate her organ to him – because they’ve split up.
Mel Greenall and Jay Charles have agreed that the life-saving transplant should no longer go ahead because of the ill feelings between them.
Mr Charles, 40, beat huge odds to-one to discover his partner Ms Greenall, 45, was a match and he was due to undergo an operation in October.
But now Mr Charles, who has suffered two failed transplants, will have to start his search again and re-join the waiting list.
It could take him years to find another, as the demand for kidneys in the UK far outstrips the limited supply. Chances of finding an unrelated donor is one in 100,000.
He admitted the pair were in desperate need of counselling and often ‘danced around’ speaking about the pending op, which created fear and anxiety.
The ex-teacher has blamed a lack of support from doctors as the main contributing factor to wrecking their five-year romance.
But Mr Charles claims the transplant coordination team simply ‘backed off’ once Ms Greenall, 45, also known as ‘Kitty’, discovered she was a match.
Now living in a one-bed flat in Whitby, he argued this led to resentment between the couple and ultimately doomed their relationship.
Jay Charles beat odds of 100,000-to-one to discover his partner Mel Greenall was a match and he was due to undergo an operation in October
Mr Charles, who spends three days a week travelling to a dialysis unit in Middlesbrough, said: ‘We simply didn’t see or hear from anyone. I couldn’t believe it.
‘As a couple struggling through renal failure together we desperately needed to speak to someone. Mel was donating a major organ to me, it’s a big deal.
‘I feel as though I’ve lost everything. Above all, though I’ve lost my life partner. I still love Kitty but I do understand why we can’t be together.
‘Renal failure is a severe lifelong illness – it’s difficult enough to live with without adding in all the social and psychological factors.’
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Plans scrapped
He added: ‘Doctors repeatedly asked me if Mel would still carry on with plans to donate.
‘It was Mel and I that decided it would not be right because of the bad blood between us at the time.
‘Mel had told me she’d still donate but with so much ill feeling and resentment surrounding our breakup, I just felt it wouldn’t be right to go ahead.’
Ms Greenall, a mother-of-two, told how she no longer recognised Mr Charles as the man she once loved after he became lost in his illness.
Mr Charles claims the transplant coordination team simply ‘backed off’ once Ms Greenall, 45, also known as ‘Kitty’, discovered she was a match.
Now living in a one-bed flat in Whitby, he argued this led to resentment between the couple and ultimately doomed their relationship
WHAT IS A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT?
Kidney transplants replicate the function of the organ, such as the removal of waste and excess fluid, hormone production, drug excretion and blood pressure control.
Failing kidneys can sometimes be prevented or delayed by dialysis, which helps to remove waste from the body but does not replicate all of the kidneys’ functions.
A patient’s blood group and tissue type determine whether they match with a potential donor.
Up to 90 per cent of kidney recipients live at least a year after the procedure, while around 50 per cent survive 15 years.
Risks of the operation include bleeding and infection. It has also been linked to cancer and death in rare cases.
If organ rejection occurs, it usually does so within six weeks. This can be detected via blood tests.
The University of California Davis Transplant Center claims the ‘chance of finding an exact match with an unrelated donor is about one in 100,000’.
Source: Kidney Research UK
She said: ‘Jay was tired all the time. He’d come home from the hospital and just sleep.
‘I was having to do absolutely everything and it was becoming harder and harder for me to cope with what was going on.
‘When Jay was awake he was frustrated and angry. We’d argue a lot. Our money situation was becoming desperate too which didn’t help.
‘Our plight was reaching a pitch. I didn’t recognise Jay as the man I loved and the arguments were breaking me. It was a very difficult time for both of us.’
Renal failure 22 years
Mr Charles, of Whitby, North Yorkshire, was diagnosed with a rare blood condition aged 11 and has been in renal failure for 22 years.
Kidney failure is where the organ’s ability to do these things falls below 15 per cent of its normal capacity, causing toxins to build up in the blood.
The most effective treatment is a transplant, but demand for organs far outstrips supply.
And patients often endure waits of many years before doctors are able to find an organ that won’t be rejected by their immune system.
The University of California Davis Transplant Center claims the ‘chance of finding an exact match with an unrelated donor is about one in 100,000’.
Ms Greenall, a mother-of-two, told how she no longer recognised Mr Charles as the man she once loved after he became lost in his illness (pictured together)
Where did the two meet?
He started seeing burlesque teacher Ms Greenall, also known as Kitty, five years ago after meeting at Whitby Goth Weekend.
However, four years into their relationship, Mr Charles became ill again after his second kidney transplant began to fail in October 2017.
He was told he needed a third one and his loving fiancée volunteered to offer to donate one of her kidneys.
Without a donated organ, Mr Charles would have to stay on dialysis to remove a build-up of toxins in his blood until another could be found.
A viable match
Match tests proved positive, and mother-of-two Ms Greenall was indeed a viable match for Mr Charles, who was stunned at the news.
She said: ‘I immediately asked the nurses on the renal unit if I could be tested to see if I would match… I knew I would. It was meant to be.
‘We’d always kinda joked about being perfect partners. Ever since day one, before I even knew that my transplant was failing.’
Mr Charles is now living in a one-bed flat in Whitby and spends three days a week travelling to a dialysis unit in Middlesbrough.
Sadness at her son’s split
His mother Glennis Charles, 69, has told of her shock and sadness at her son’s split with Ms Greenall.
She said: ‘The whole thing is very sad. I am 150 miles away from him, they are both adults and there is not much I can do.
‘There is nothing I can do or say [to change it]. It has happened I am afraid.’
Mrs Charles, who donated a kidney to her son 11 years ago – his second transplant – said she didn’t know the full reasoning behind the split.
She said: ‘I am not really sure what happened. I think it might be to do with the stress of everything and the anxiety.
‘When Jay was younger, I got to know the hospitals and the staff when I looked after him. But since Jay moved away, I don’t know the hospitals as well and it is more difficult.
‘It is such a shame, everything that has happened. I thought he had found his soul-partner and I am surprised.’
Mrs Charles, married to Stuart, 70, and lives in Mansfield, said she had always got on with Ms Greenall and had no hard-feelings towards her.
She added: ‘I have always liked Mel, she is a very positive woman. I always think anyone who offers a transplant is very, very brave.
‘They have the option of opting-out, even if they were sat on the trolley ready to be wheeled to theatre. I wouldn’t be angry at anyone who changed their mind.
‘I always told Mel she had the option to change her mind and there would be no hard feelings from the family.
‘I just hope anyone who reads the story about Jay decides to join the register as everyone should.’
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