There are few places outside of the comforts of your own home where you’re almost guaranteed to run into other people wearing minimal clothing. A hot beach in the summer, for starters. A strip club (need we say more?). And of course, the gym or your go-to boutique fitness studio. Which is no wonder why “workout crushes” are such a huge thing, for both fitness fanatics and instructors alike. Exposed skin + endorphins = pheromones, flying. One recent Bowflex survey even reports that 34 percent of men have had a crush on their trainer.
“The gym could be both the best and the worst place to meet someone, if we want to go black and white,” says Leora Manischewitz, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist in New York. “The best because there’s a lot of single people, it’s easy to chat someone up, and you’re typically near other people physically. A difficult place because there can be such an emphasis on how you look, which can be something people obsess over and a bit intimidating.”
So, we went on a mission to check in with guys around the country that have crossed the line, shifting from in-the-gym chatting to between-the-sheets fun, some of whom have taken their mutual love for endorphins all the way to the altar. So how’d our guys* perform out there in the wild? The experts weigh in on best-practice tips for turning a gym crush into something more.
* All names have been changed to protect privacy.
1. Attracted By A Spin-Instructor’s Badass Workout
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How it Started: “I was a client taking her Spin class,” said Juan, 38, from Memphis. “She was beautiful, energetic, played awesome music with videos, and lead a badass workout of 60+ people. At the time, I thought Spin was for sissies. So, I took a spot in the back row to check her and the class out.”
When things got steamy: “She’s slightly older than me, and I’ve always been attracted to older women. After flirting back and forth a few classes, she approached me, asked for my number for the gym Spin club (not sure if that was actually a thing to this day) and the rest is history. After 7 years of dating and 3 years of marriage, I’m now a front row spin guy, and she’s my sexy wife.”
Did you feel weird about it at the time? “It was the first time for both of us initiating relationship from a gym. Now, I’m the teacher’s pet. Neither of us knew of any gym policy, and if there had been one, it wouldn’t have stopped me. Our connection is way too strong to be denied.”
Manischewitz says: “Casual opening lines that relate to what they are doing is a great way to get in with someone new. Be friendly. And smile! The more you relate it to whatever the thing they’re doing, the better.”
2. Drawn to a Yogi’s Calm and Perfect Form
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How It Started: “I’ve done yoga classes for a while, always been great physically and mentally. After a long relationship ended, I got on Bumble,” says Pete, 37, from Los Angeles. “One day I noticed an instructor for a hot yoga class I did was on too. The class was super tough, but she was really good at pushing students, and had a calm manner, and gave everyone an iced cloth that smelled of tea tree oil at the end during shavasana. So I had a good feeling about her. We started chatting and eventually went out a couple of times and started dating.”
When things got steamy: “She didn’t want other students to know about us, so she’d do subtle stuff, like touch me with her boob when making an adjustment or rub my shoulder in shavasana. Class was kinda like extended foreplay and we’d freshen up together after at home in the shower. The sex was intense, in a good way, and it definitely pushed me to become fitter than ever. She could do moves like boat for days and her core strength was unreal.”
And now what? “We realized our life goals weren’t the same. She was looking to start a family and I wasn’t. And we had a bitter breakup and she said I wasn’t welcome back in her class, which sucked because it was a great class. I still do some of her yoga flows at home.”
Manischewitz says: “Relationships are fun at a gym or studio because it’s a positive place to be. A lot of people are happy. Fitness studios don’t have an express intent like a bar, where there’s the pressure on the guy to have a great opening line. Both of you are already there with good intent.”
3. Moved by a Spin Instructor’s Killer Playlist
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How it started: “I had recently tried spin for the first time visiting a friend in New York City and was hooked,” says Paul, 24, from Washington D.C. “The instructor for my first class back at home in D.C. was super attractive, and he had a great presence. After class he came up to me and asked how I liked it, to which I enthusiastically said that I loved it. I ended up emailing the studio to ask for one of the songs he played and he replied back and said hope to see you soon!… and he did.”
When things got steamy: “Six months in of riding and chatting after class, he finally slid into my DMs and eventually we went on a few dates and made things official. I actually lost my virginity to him after we went official. Mind you, all of the flirting and dating was while he was still in the closet, so we had to be very careful. The studio staff caught on quick, but didn’t find out until three months into the relationship.”
Were either of you hesitant on the whole rider/instructor thing? “On my end, dating him has been all the more motivation to get my workouts in. I’m in the best shape of my life probably, so I’d probably do it again. I’m so thankful it did work out, and I love him. But if it hadn’t, I would’ve just taken other instructors classes.”
Manischewitz says: “Six months?! If you have a crush on someone, you’ve got to tell them (at the right time). If someone is with a trainer, don’t interrupt them. If someone has their headphones on or Airpods in, they are really intent on their workout, I wouldn’t do more than just smile because you’re interrupting them. At an actual gym, something as easy as asking someone you can work in with them on a machine can open up the dialogue.”
4. A HIIT-Trainer is Wowed by a Client
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How it started: “I don’t really like dating apps but I’m on a couple different ones,” said Tyriek, 30 of Boston. “I feel like they know what you’re doing in your life in a creepy way, and about a month into working with this pretty hot client she came up on my app. I swiped right. We matched.”
When things got steamy: “We started talking in the app, and got drinks a couple days later before our next workout session. One thing lead to another, and she ended up coming home with me. Two days later, I trained her at the gym. The vibe had totally changed. She was acting sort of stiff, wasn’t looking me in the eyes, and just wasn’t the same fun, easy-going girl that I had gotten to know the past few weeks.”
Did you say something to her? “It didn’t sit well with me, so I shot her a text asking her to get coffee the next day. We met up, and she told me she had just gotten outta something and wasn’t really feeling like seeing me regularly like this now that we’d hooked-up was a smart idea. She decided to start training with someone else, and stopped talking to me altogether.”
Manischewitz says: “Usually when you sign up with a trainer, you sign up for a certain period of time. At the end of those agreed-upon sessions, if you have a thing for your client (or if the client has a thing for their trainer), that’s when you can make your move and say something. Keep it professional, but honest. I may say something like ‘I have to say I’ve really enjoyed working out with you, and I don’t want to intrude, but I’m wondering if it would be OK to ask you out for coffee.’ Ignoring it is what you don’t want to do. I would just be really polite about it.”
5. The CrossFit Coach Finds a Life-Partner
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How it started: “We were always friendly, she was cute, and we would crack jokes back and forth while I was coaching class,” said Charlie, 32, a CrossFit coach in New York. “I had a girlfriend when we met. When we broke up, I knew she was single so I asked her out for coffee.”
When things got steamy: “I thought to myself going into it: If things went well awesome! If things didn’t, then no harm. Well coffee lasted for three hours, so we decided to go out on our first official date. Three years later, she’s now my wife.”
What’s the dynamic with you two like at the gym, now? “I coach my wife to keep her safe in class, but I don’t cheer her on or try to influence her. It keeps us both happy and sane. While I’m working and she takes class you can always tell we’re together, but we make sure not to have too much PDA so others won’t be uncomfortable (other than a kiss goodbye every now and again).”
Manischewitz says: “The gym is like any other place where you take a chance. You have to know yourself. If you’re just coming out of a relationship and you’re a bit fragile, you may not want to jump into something where you see someone all the time. But if you’re someone that can manage hurt feelings, you should be OK to get involved. If it doesn’t work out, then what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe, you don’t go to the gym briefly, or you’ll more than likely know that person’s hours and vary yours to protect yourself.”
6. A Spin Instructor Spots a Client in a Bar
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How it started:“This particular guy started regularly taking my cycling class,” said Ryan, 25, a Spin instructor in New York. “I could tell he was semi-shy, but he always made an effort to speak or say hello following class which intrigued me. I wasn’t even certain if he was gay or not—until he slid into the DMs, which confirmed he was.”
When things got steamy: “A few months into this we ran into each-other out on a Saturday night. That lead to drinks and going home together.”
Why this particular client? “I tend to be attracted to people who are different than me. At the time we were vastly different: he was a quiet, a 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. corporate-type guy who was well employed. I was a young freelance instructor hustling. In this particular situation, I had the power. That was attractive to me.”
Do you still see each other? “Occasionally. The relationship has shifted more into a friend/casual hookup buddy than an instructor/rider one we had at first. Thankfully, it never got awkward in the studio.”
Manischewitz says: “This is great, because they actually connected outside of the studio in person. In this age where everyone can connect on social media or via email, you still want to keep things professional. If you’re going to break that, do it in person in smart, courteous way that allows the other person—whether they’re the trainer or the client—to understand they have options and that you understand there are boundaries.”
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