‘I’m in love with an American guy I met online but he keeps standing me up’

Dear Coleen

I’m a 21-year-old woman and for a year I’ve been communicating online with a man who lives in the United States.

We met through a gaming site and then began communicating regularly via various other forms of social media. However, there’s still no sign of us meeting up.

I’m at university, so I don’t have the money to visit him in the US, which I explained right from the start, but he insisted he’d be able to visit me here.

First he was supposed to come over at Christmas, then at Easter and then for my birthday. But each time he’s had an excuse about why he can’t make it.

I really love talking to him and feel like something really serious could happen between us, but as time has gone on I feel I’m wasting my time.

What do you think? Should I carry on and just see how it goes, or move on from him?

I’ve basically put my life on hold because I don’t want to meet anyone else while I’m still talking to him.

Coleen says

Yes, I do think you’re wasting your time and yes, I do think you should move on. You’re 21 and putting your life on hold for a guy
you’ve never met and who has let you down three times.

These days, I think it’s very easy to get hooked into cyber-relationships that have no chance of going anywhere. Think about the ­practicalities of this relationship. Even if you did meet up, will you be able to up sticks and move to the US and work out there, or is he prepared to move his life over here?

If you were just treating this as a friendship where you bond over a shared interest in gaming, then I’d say carry on and don’t expect any more from it.

But if you’re hoping that this guy is going to turn out to be your Prince Charming, for want of a better phrase, then I think you’re absolutely looking in the wrong place.

Get away from your computer, go out with your mates and spend more time meeting new people and getting to know them in person.

I’d hate you to miss out because you’re stuck in front of a screen waiting for this guy, who could turn out to be nothing like you expected in the flesh.

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